Team Brave's Resilience Tips
Team Brave’s resilience tips!
How can I have better bounce back-ability?
So how can I feel less sad if I lose?
Losing is a big part of sport, and sometimes it is totally out of our control. It’s really vital to learn how to lose like a champion, as well as to win. Every single world champion or world class athlete has lost matches, underperformed in races, or at sometime missed a critical shot or messed up in a key moment of a game.
To deal with losing, it can be helpful to remember that it’s not always your fault.
Sometimes losing can be subjective (that means that it’s an opinion, rather than fact), for example judges in an iceskating competition might judge a certain routine as better than another athlete, based on their opinion and perception.
Sometimes losing can be dictated by a decision by a referee, who made the best decision that they could, but perhaps it was not the decision that we agreed with. An umpire in tennis might call a serve “out” when we feel it was in, or a referee in rugby might give a free kick when we don’t agree that a foul was commited. Whatever happens, the important thing, is how we react to other people’s decisions.
You have the power to reframe losing, or losses in your mind.
Instead of seeing a lost match as a sign that you are a failure (which you’re not) – change it in your mind, to see it as a chance to improve your game, as a way to learn new things, and an opportunity to become stronger mentally and physically.
If your team loses a rugby game, perhaps it’s a sign that there is a way to defend better, to work together better in your scrums, to pass the ball more effectively, or to design new tactics.
Amazing teams, use losses to bounce back stronger, and with an ever greater desire to perform better.
If someone makes me feel sad, what can I do to feel better?
Sometimes when we’re playing sport, both our teammates or the opposition can make us feel upset. Often this can occur in the match, and is due to competitive spirit, as opposed to anything personal. It can help to understand the feelings of the other person, in order to understand why they might have acted in the way they did.
For example, in a hockey match, if the opposition shouts something unkind to you, think about what emotions they might have been feeling? Are they frustrated that they are losing? Are they trying to make you lose your cool by saying something to antagonise you? Or is it just something they’ve said or done without thinking of the impact or consequences?
It can help to realise, that a great deal of what people say or do, is projection of their own feelings or insecurities. (Projection is a term used by psychologists to explain how someone might transfer their own feelings of anger/anxiety/insecurity onto somebody else).
So try not to take it too personally, keep calm, and carry on playing. If it has really made you sad, you might want to try to discuss it with the person themself to explain how you feel, or if that is too tricky, talk it through with your coach or teacher, who can help you to resolve the issue.
What can I do if I’m being bullied?
Bullying is horrible, and should never be tolerated on any level. Bullying often happens because the bully themself has been bullied, or because they themselves feel insecure, so they feel a need to bring others down to feel better.
Bullying can have awful long term effects and trauma, and so really needs to be stamped out as soon as possible.
In New Zealand, bullying of elite sports players or successful people is known as “Tall Poppy Syndrome”, in that “shorter poppies” will try to be mean to the “tall poppy” because they are jealous of their success. Dan Carter (one of the greatest rugby players of all time, who had an amazing career as an Allblack), was a victim of Tall Poppy Syndorme, but used his resilience to overcome it all, and achieve international success. It can be so tough to overcome bullying, so be sure to reach out to somebody you trust if you feel like you need support.
If you have any other questions that you’d like to fire at Team Brave, or if you’re interested in receiving some online mentoring / coaching- just drop us an email: teambrave.uk@gmail.com
